Hindi & Non Veg Jokes

Customer Service
A man phoned and asked: Hellow, is it 221714?
Lady: Hindi main bolo
Man: Do-Do-Ek-Sat Chhoda
Women: Nahin Sir, Reliance Hai… Tin-Tin-Ek-Sat Chhoda (331714)

Psychiatrist Session
GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .. Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!
Sardar in a gym
This fat sardar sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes >and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, with a sign saying “If you catch me, I’m yours.”
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He’s back on the street and starts to think. “Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time…” So he races back to the gym and says, “I want to lose 20 more kg.”
“No problem,” says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he’s standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign
“If I catch you, you’re mine.”

written by Dilip Maripuri