HINDI NON VEG JOKES : पत्नी मांगे पसीना: SOME FUNNY JOKES

Mahabharat Ka Kissa

Shehar Mein Bahut Pahunche Hue Sant Aaye Hue The, Bahut Dur Dur Se Log Unke Vachan Aur Katha Sun Ne Ke Liye Aaye.
Vese To Hamare Baba Saxidas Tapasya Mein Leen Rahte Hai, Par Jab Unhe Pata Laga Ki Esi Mahan Hasti Shehar Mein Aaye Hai To Unhone Socha Chalo Hum Bhi Dekh Ke Aaye.
Vahan Jake Logo Ke Bich Mein Beth Gaye, Sant Ji Ne Mahabhrat Ki Katha Sunani Shuru Ki, Aur Vo Kirshan Ji Ke Janam Pe The.
Sant Ji: “Kansa Ko Aakashwani Hui Ki Uski Bahan Ka 8th Bachha Usko Maar Dega”
Is Baat Ko Sun Ke Usko Bara Krodh Aya Aur Usne Vasudev And Devaki Ko Jail Mein Band Kar Diya
Pahle Bachhe Ka Janam Hua To Usne Usko Zehar Deke Maar Diya,
Dusre Bachhe Ka Janam Hua To Usko Pahadi Se Niche Gira Ke Maar Diya,
Teesre Bache Ne Janam Liya To…..
Itne Main Baba Saxidas Ji Uthe Aur Bole.
Baba Saxidas: “Sant Ji Mujhe Ek Baat Par Doubt Hai?”
Sant Ne Baba Ka Majak Udate Hue Kaha.
Sant: “Beta, Sare India Mein Aaj Tak Kisi Ne Is Baat Ko Leke Doubt Nahi Kiya, Tum Kaisi Kar Rahe Ho?”
Baba Saxidas: “Sant Ji, Agar Kansa Ko Pahle Se Pata Tha Ki Devaki Ka 8th Bachha Usko Mar Dega, To Us Bevkoof Ne Vasudev Aur Devaki Ko Ek Hi Jail Mein Kyu Band Kiya?”
Sant Ji Ab Bechare Is Baat Ka Kya Jawab Dete.

 NON VEG JOKES IN HINDI :
वह आईं हम देखते रहे
वह मुस्कुराईं हम चुप रहे
वह बोलती रहीं हम खोए रहे
पर जब वो जाने लगीं
तो हम चिल्लाए
मैम अटेंडेंस तो ले लो। 

Dimag Ho Aisa To Kaise Na Mile Choot Ek Baar Ek Aadmi Apne Dost Ke Ghar Jata Hai. Par Uska Dost Ghar Par Nahi Hota Kisi Kam Se Bahar Market Tak Gaya Hota Hai. Aadmi Uski Biwi Se Puchta Hai: “Aapke Pati Kab Tak Aa Jayenge?” Aurat Bolti Hai: “1 Gante Tak Aa Jayenge” Aadmi: “Chalo Thodi Der Yahi Pe Unka Intzar Kar Leta Hoon” Aadmi Wahi Sofe Pe Beth Jata Hai, Thodi Der Baad Dost Ki Biwi Se Bolta Hai. Dost: “Babhi Ji, Agar Aap Mujhe Apna Ek Boob Dikhayengi To Mein Aapko 500 Rupaye Dunga” Pahle To Aurat Sochti Hai Ki Sala Kya Bakwas Kar Raha Hai, Fir Socha Ki Sirf Ek Boob Hi To Dikhana Hai. Aurat Apna Ek Boob Dikha Deti Hai Aur 500 Rupaye Le Leti Hai. Thodi Der Baad Aadmi Phir Puchta Hai: “Agar Aap Mujhe Apne Dono Boobs Dikhayengi To Mein 500 Rupaye Aur Dunga” Aurat Ye Sunkar Jaldi Se Dono Boobs Dikha Deti Hai Aur 500 Rupaye Le Leti Hai. Aadmi Phir Bola: “1500 Rupaye Aur Dunga Agar Inhe Chussne Do To” Aurat Ne Socha Choosna Hi To Hai 1500 Rupaye Bhi Mil Jayenge. Aurat Ne Jaldi Se Apni Shirt Utari Aur Boli: “Ye Lo Choos Lo” Aadmi Choosne Laga Use Aur Maja Aaya. Thodi Der Choosne Ke Baad Phir Kaha. Aadmi: “2500 Rupaye Dunga Chut Bhi Dikha Do” Aurat Ne Socha Ki Sirf Dikhani Hi To Hai 2500 Rss Mill Jayenge, Khoob Achi Shopping Karungi, Aurat Ne Jeans Utaar Ke Apni Chut Bhi Dikha Di. Lekin Aadmi Ka Usko Dekhte Hi Sex Karne Ka Man Karne Laga Aur Bola. Aadmi: “Babhi Ji, Bas Ek Khawish Aur, Agar Aap Sex Karne De To 5000 Rupaye Aur Dunga” Aurat Ne Socha Chalo Ghar Par Bhi Koi Nahi Hai Aur Taste Bhi Change Ho Jayega Aur Paise Bhi Mil Jayenge, Vese Bhi Kisi Ko Kya Pata Lagna Hai Aadmi Ne Tassali Baksh Us Se Chudayi Ki Aur Sex Karke Paise Dene Ke Baad Bola Aadmi: “Acha Lagta Hai Unko Der Ho Jayegi Mein Phir Kabhi Aa Jaunga” Aurat Khushi Se Boli: “Haan Ji Jaroor-Jaroor Aaiyega” Aadmi Ke Niklte Hi Thodi Der Baad Aurat Ka Pati Aa Jata Hai Aur Puchta Hai. Pati: “Mere Kisi Dost Ne Aakar Tumhe 10000 Rupaye To Nahi Diye, Jo Usne Mujhse Kal Udhar Liye The, Bol Raha Tha Ki Aaj Ghar De Jaunga“

Harami Log Aise Hote Hai  Ek Ladka Apni Patni Ko Lene Apni Sasural Gaya. Ladki Ki Maan Ne Bistar Bichaya Aur Damad Ji Ko Boli: “Baitho Damad Ji” Damad: “Meri Gand Mein Itne Baal Hai Ki Bistar Ki Jarurat Hi Nahi” Saas Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Mein Bhadkati Hui Boli Saas: “Tu Apne Bade Bhai Ko Bhejna, Tab Main Apni Beti Bhejungi, Tu To Ganda Hai” Do Din Baad Ladke Ka Bada Bhai Aaya To Maan Ne Sari Baat Bade Bhai Ko Batai. Bade Bhai Ye Sun Ke Bola: “Jhutha Hai Sala, Parson Hi Maine Uski Gand Mari Ek Bhi Baal Nahi Thha” Maa Ne Ye Suna Aur Socha Sale Dono Bhai Harami Hai Boli: “Apne Baap Ko Bhejna, Tabhi Apni Ladki Bhejungi” Baap Aaya Maan Ne Kalpate Hue Sari Baat Baap Ko Batai. Baap Bola: “Sale Dono Hi Nalayak Hai. Ek Baar Main Nadi Mein Naha Raha Tha Sala Mere Kapde Le Ke Bhag Gya” Maa Boli: “Hey Bhagvan, Aap Phir Ghar Kaise Aaye” Baap Bola: “Aise Kaise Aata, Kinare Pe Ek Gadha Khada Thha Uski Gand Mein Land Daal Ke Aaya” Maa Ne Jaisi Hi Baap Ke Muh Se Ye Suna Sir Thaam Liya Aur Socha: “Sala Pura Khandan Hi Kamina Hai, Main Abb Apni Ladki Nahi Bhejungi” Kuch Din Beet Gaye, To Damad Ke Gaanv Mein Se Ek Aadmi Ladki Ki Maa Se Mila Aur Bola Aadmi: “Apne To Apni Ladki Nahi Bheji.” Maa Gusse Se Boli: “Kaisi Bhejti Un Kameeno Ke Ghar” Aur Iske Baad Ussne Sari Baat Usko Bata Di Gaanv Wale Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Bola: “Haan Sahi Kiya Aapne Vo Hai Hi Kamine” Maa Boli: “Kaise?” Aadmi Bola: “Ek Baar Main Seedhi Maangne Inke Ghar Gaya, Saalo Ne Nahi Di Jabki Rakhi Thi Ghar Mein Hi” Maa Ne Puncha: “Seedhi Ka Kya Karte Bhaiya?” Aadmi Bola: “Karta Kya Oont Ki Gand Marni Thi” Maa Chilla Ke Boli: “Hey Bhagwan Sala Ye Pura Gaanv Hi Harrami Hai“

Nehru Ji Ka Sapna  Gandhi Ji Aur Nehru Ji Ek Bar Registan Mein Pahuch Jate Hai. Raat Hoti Hai Aur Thand Badh Jati Hai. Nehru Ji Gandhi Ji Se Kehte Hai Ki Unki Lungi Ko Dono Audh Kar So Jate Hai, Thand Kam Lagegi. Raat Ko Nehru Ji Sapna Dekte Hai Ki Unki Death Ho Gayi Hai Aur Woh Swarg Mein Pahuch Jate Hai. Indra: “Aap Ka Swarg Mein Swagat Hai Nehru Ji” Nehru Ji: “Aap Kon Ho?” Indra: “Main Swarg Ka Raja Indra Hoon Aur Main Prithvi Par Aap Ke Kiye Kaam Se Bahut Khush Hoon Aap Koi Bhi ‘Teen Vardaan Maang Sakte Hai’.” Nehru Ji: “Theek Hai, Par Kya Main Jo Bhi Manguga Mujhe Milega?” Indra: “Haan, Yeh Indra Ka Waada Hai” Nehru Ji: “Theek Hai, Maine Prithvi Par Bahut Se Kaam Kiye Par Aaj Tak Kabhi Sex Nahi Kiya, To Main Sex Karna Chahta Hoon” Indra: “Swarge Main Bahut Si Apsarayein Hai, Aap Jiske Saath Chahe Uske Sath Sex Kar Sakte Hai” Nehru Ji: “Nahi, Main App Ki “Patni” Ke Sath Sex Karna Chahta Hoon” Indra: “Yeh Nahi Ho Sakta Hai” Nehru Ji: “Aap Ne Vardaan Diya Hai, Aur Bola Hai Ki Ho Bi Mangunga Vo Doge” Bechara Indra: “Theek Hai, Jao Kar Lo” Sex Karne Ke Baad Jab Nehru Ji Vapas Aate Hai. Indra: “Abb Aap Doosra Vardaan Mange” Nehruji: “Abhi Mujhe Aur Sex Karna Hai” Indra: “Theek Hai, Swarg Main Bahut Si Apsarayein Hai Aap Jiske Saath Chahe Uske Sath Sex Kar Sakte Hai” Nehru Ji: “Nahi, Mujhe App Ki Beti Ke Sath Sex Karna Hai” Indra: “Ye Nahi Ho Sakta Hai, Kabhi Bhi Nahi” Nehru Ji: “Soche Le, Aapne Juban Di Hai” Indra Bechara Kya Bolta: “Theek Hai, Kar Lo” Phir Sex Karne Ke Baad Jab Nehru Ji Vapas Aate Hai. Indra: “Abb Aap Teesra Vardaan Mange, Aur Iss Baar Sex Mat Mangna” Nehru Ji: “Theek Hai, Bas Mujhe Woh “Dhann Viriksh (Money Tree) De Dejiye” Indra: “Theek Hai, Jao Ukhaad Sakte Ho To Ukhaad Lo” Nehru Ji Ja Kar Viriksh Ukhaadne Lagte Hai, Kafi Zor Lagane Ke Baad Bhi Nahi Tod Paate To Aur Zorr Lagate Hai Achanak Gandhi Ji Uthkar Nehru Ji Ko Do Thapad Marte Hai. Gandhi Ji Rote Hue: “Sale, Raat Bhar Tune Meri Do Baar Gand Mari Main Kuch Na Boka Aur Abb Mera Land Ukhaad Raha Hai?“

Chote Bachhe Bhi Tharki Ho Gaye  Pados Mein Rahne Wale 7 Saal Ke Chote Ladke Chuunu Ka Land Khada Kar Aunty Boli. Aunty: “Beta, Mere Niche Chhed Hai Isse Andar Daal Kar Hilao Toh Mein Tumhe Toffee Doongi” Chunnu: “Agar Aap Isse Mooh Mein Lekar Chooso To Main Aapko Choclate De Dunga.“

Yeh Ladki To Vakiye Hi Pujniye Hai Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Ka Bade Time Se Affair Chal Raha Tha, Ek Din Dono Bethe Apni Shadi Ke Bare Mein Baat Kar Rahe The, Jismein Kuch Problems Aa Rahi Thhi. Ladki: “Kya Tum Mujhe Apni Familly Se Bhi Jyada Pyar Kar Sakte Ho?” Ladka: “Nahi” Ladki Hairan Hoke: “Par Kyu?” Ladke Ne Use Bade Pyar Se Smjahte Hue Kaha. “Jab Main Chhota Tha, Chalna Shuru Kiya Tha To Gir Jata Tha, Tab Mujhe Uthane Ke Liye Tum Nahi Meri Mom Hoti Thi” “Jab Main Bahar Jata Tha, To Meri Ungli Pakadne Wale Mere Dad The, Tum Nahi.” “Jab Main Bachpan Mein Rota Tha, To Tum Mujhe Toys (Khillone) Nahi Deti Thhi, Mere Bhai Aur Bahan Dete The” “Meri Familly Duniya Ki Har Cheez Se Jyada Keemti Hai Mere Liye” Ladki Gusse Se: “Bhonsdi Ke Yaad Rakhiyo, Jab Tera Lund Utha Tha, To Chudwane Ke Liye Sirf Main Hi Aayi Thhi, Woh Nahi“

Bechari Maa, Sharam Se Pani Pani To Hona Hi Tha Ek Aurat Ki Teen Ladkiya Thhi Aur Teeno Ki Ek Hi Din Shadi Hui. Maa Ne Ladkiyo Ko Kaha Ki Tum Mujhe SMS Kar Dena Ki Kahan Ho Aur Honeymoon Kesa Chal Raha Hai. Kuch Din Baad Pehli Ladki Ka SMS Aya: “Nescafe” Maa Ko Samajh Na Aya Ki Iska Kya Matlab Hai.. Sham Ko Vo Tv Dekh Rahi Thi To Uspar Ad Aa Rahi Thhi. Nescafe – Good Till The Last Drop. Maa Khush Ho Gayi Doosri Beti Ka SMS Aya: “Benson & Hedges” Maa Ne Fir Tv Dekha Usmein Iska Slogan Tha: “King Size , Extra Long.” Teesri Ladki Ka SMS Aya: “British Airways” Maa Confuse Hui Par Fir Usne Tv Mein Ad Dekhi: “3 Times Daily, 7 Days A Week, Both Ways.” Bechari Maa Sharam Se Paani Paani Ho Gayi