Hindi Non Veg Jokes






Birbal Ki Akalmandi

Akabar Aur Birbal Ke Kisse Bahut Famous Hai
Hamesha Akbar Birbal Se Kuch Esa Puchta Tha Jo Hatt Ke Ho
Ek Din Akbar Ko Ek Shararat Sooji Aur Birbal Se Bola.
Akbar: “Wada Kar Birbal Teri Biwi Ki Pehli Bar Chut Tu Mujhe Lene Dega”
Birbal: “Wada Hujoor, Par Meri Bhi Ek Sharat Hai”
Akbar: “Bol?”
Birbal: “Shaadi Aapki Behan Se Karoonga“

Sale Kamine Log

Ek Bar Jai Ne Rote Hue Apne Dost Niraj Ko Bataya
Jai: “Yaar, Bus Mein Mera Kisi Ne Purse Chori Kar Liya”
Niraj Hairan Hote Hue: “Abe, Tune Purse Rakha Kaha Tha?”
Jai: “Pant Ki Piche Wali Jeb Mein”
Niraj: “To Tujhe Pata Nahi Laga Kya?”
Jai Rote Hue: “Ab Mujhe Kya Pata Tha Ki Vo Purse Bhi Nikal Lega“

Bill Kaise Pay Kare

Cabel Wala Flat Ki Ghanti Bajata Hai, Toh Andar Se Aunti Awaaz Lagati Hai.
Aunti: “Koun?”
Cabel Wala: “Aunty, Iss Mahine Ka Cabel Ka Bill De Do”
Aunti: “Baad Mein Aana Aah Aah Aa Aaaahnaa, Abhi Doodh Wale Ka Chuka Rahi Hoon“

Ladkiyo Ke Kapdo Ki Fitting

Ek Ladki Tailor Ke Paas Suit Silvane Jaati Hai. Tailor Ladki Ka Naap Lete Hue Bolta Hai.
Tailor (Fitting Ka Naap Lete Hue):- “Koi Boyfriend Hai?”
Girl:- “Haan, Kyon?”
Tailor:- “Use Bolna Thode Din Left Side Pe Jyada Dhyaan De, Fitting Sahi Baithegi“

Daulat Ki Koi Kimat Nahi Tharak Ke Aage

Salim Aur Anarkali Ke Pyar Ka Kissa Bada Mashoor Hai, Ek Bar Dono Apas Mein Bat Kar Rahe The.
Salim: “Jaaneman Tere Kadmo Mein Rakh Dunga Saara Khazana”
Anarkali Ko Sex Ki Iccha Sata Rahi Thi, Sunke Boli.
Anarkali: “Maa Chudane Gaya Tera Khazana, Andar Daal Aur Chal Shuru Kar Dabaana.“

Hay Re In Taxes Ne Maar Diya

Pranav Mukharji (Finance Minister) Ne Ek Bar Callgirl Se Pucha.
Mukharji: “Kitna Leti Ho?”
Callgirl: “Aage Ka 200 Aur Peche Ka 220”
Mukharji Hairani Se: “Areey Piche Ka 220 Kyu?”
Callgirl: “10% Turnover Tax“

Samaan Apna Apna

Pati – Patni Talaq Ke Baad Apna-Apna Samaan Alag Kar Rahe The.
Pati (Bra Dete Hue): “Yeh Lo Apne Doodh Ka Dakkan”
Patni (Underwear Dete Hue): “Yeh Lo Murde Ka Kafan“

Hathon Ke Bhoot Honto Se Nahi Mante

Suhagrat Ko Pati Ka Khada Nahi Ho Raha Tha,
Patni Ne Usko Muh Mein Le Liya Aur Koshish Ki Par Fir Bhi Baat Nahi Bani.
Husband Ko Ye Dekhar Gusa Aaya Aur Bola: “Durr Hatt Ja, Haatho Ke Bhoot Honto Se Nahi Maante“

Ooi Maa, Ab Bahar Bhi Nikal Lo Na

Ladke Ne Sex Start Kiya To Ladki Bolti Hai.
Ladki: “Jaanu, Bohat Dard Ho Raha Hai”
Ladka: “Koi Baat Nahi Thodi Der Mein Nahi Hoga”
Ladki: “Nahi Jaanu Bohat Ho Raha Hai Nikal Lo Na”
Ladka: “Tum Bas 10 Tak Gino, Main Nikal Lunga.”
Ladki: “1-2-Aa-3-4-5-Uff-6-7-8-Aah-Aa-9-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-2 Or 2 Or 2, Or Do”

IPL Ke Male Lo I-Pill Ke Sath

Six And Sex:
Utha Ke Maro To Six,
Lita Ke Maro To Sex,
Bahar Gaya To Six,
Andar Gaya To Sex,
Dono Haath Upar To Six,
Dono Per Upar To Sex
Enjoy IPL With I-Pill..

Ladkiyo Ko Suzav

Baba Saxidas Ji Ka Kahna Hai Ki Ladkiyo Ko Apni Shave Regular Karte Rahna Chahiye
Ab Aap Ladkiya Soch Rahi Hongi Ki Kyu?
Isliye Ki Agar Baal Jyada Badd Jayenge To Unmein Jue Pad Sakti Hai
Ab Agar Jue Padengi To Unka Dil Udhar Khujli Karne Ka Bhi Karega
Khujli To Hath Se Karni Padegi, Aur Jab Udhar Hath Lagega To Maja Bhi Aayega
Aur Jab Maja Aayega To Fir Aur Maja Lene Ka Dil Karega.
Hath Se Jab Dil Bhar Jayega To Fir Koi Boy Friend Banane Ka Dil Karega.
Aur Aage To Aap Ladkiya Sayani Hi Ho.
Isliye Agar Pyaar Vyaar Ke Chakkar Se Bachna Hai To Regular Shave Karti Raha Karo.
Note: Jin Jin Ladkiyo Ne Taazi Shave Kari Hai, Vo Ek Bar Mujhe Check Karne Ka Moka De, Taki Main Bata Saku Ki Sahi Se Ki Hai Ya Nahi---

Do Dost

"Do Bahut Hi Sachhe Dosto Ki Kahani, Jo Ye Sabit Karti Hai Ki.. Dost Ho To Aise, Nahi To Na Ho"
Golu & Molu Bahut Achhe Dost The Par Achanak Ek Hi Din Dono Mar Jate Hai Aur Ikathe Narak Mein Pahunchte Hai.
Golu Ne Molu Ko Dekha Aur Hairan Hote Hue Pucha.
Golu: “Abe Tu Kaise Mara?”
Molu: “Thand Se, Aur Tu?”
Golu: “Mene Aatam Hatya Ki”
Molu: “Kyu Be, Tu To Achha Bhala Tha Aur Khusi Se Jee Raha Tha?”
Golu: “Yaar, Mujhe Laga Meri Biwi Ka Kisi Se Affair Hai, Ek Din Shaq Hone Pe Chaapa Maara Par Koi Nahi Tha, Sharm Ke Mare Maine Aatm-Hatya Kar Li”
Molu Ne Golu Ko Zor Se Thapad Mara Aur Bola.
Molu: “Bhonsdi Ke Agar Fridge Khol Ke Dekha Hota, To Na Tu Sharm Se Marta Aur Na Mein Thand Se“

Aap Bhi Apni Problem Baba Ji Ko Bataye

Rakshi Sawant Ne Ek Bar Socha Ki Vo Bhi Kisi Pandit Ya Jyotish Ke Pas Jakar Apni Kismat Check Karvaye.
To Ja Pahunchi Baba Saxidas Ke Pass Aur Boli.
Rakhi Sawant: “Baba Ji, Kya Mere Hath Mein Dhan Ki Rekha Hai?”
Ab Apne Baba Saxidas Bhi Muh pe Baat Kah Dete Hai, Muskuraye Aur Bole
Baba Ji: “Bachha Haath Mein To Pata Nahi, Par Tumhari Salwar Mein To Jarur Hai“

Chhiiiiiiiiii Kitna Ganda Joke Hai

Hospital Mein Dekha Gaya Ek Scene.
Doctor Marij Ki Gaand Mein Ungli Karke Betha Tha.
Ek Aadmi Ne Ye Dekha Aur Us Se Raha Nahi Gaya Aur Usne Akhir Doctor Se Puch Hi Liya.
Aadmi: “Dr Saab, Ye Kya Kar Rahe Ho?”
Doctor: “Mareej Ko Ulti Kara Raha Hu”
Aadmi Ne Hairan Hoke Pucha: “Par Aise Kaise ?”
Doctor: “Dekhta Ja, Abhi Ye Ungli Iske Muh Mein Dalunga Na, To Karega Na“

Har Koi Ek Jaisa Nahi Hota

Ek Baar Pati Or Uski Patni Decide Karte Hain Ki Sex Karne Ke Baad Gullak Mein Paise Dalenge.
After A Month. Pati Patni Gullak Kholte Hai.
Pati: “Maine 10/- Ke Note Dale The, Yeh 500/-, 100/-, 50/- Ke Kahaan Se Aaye?”
Patni: “Har Koi Tumhari Tarah Kanjoos Thodi Hi Hota Hai“

Budhapa Pension

"Budhapa Pension Leke Pati Khushi Khushi Ghar Aya. Par Patni Ne Kuch Esa Bol Ke Uska Sara Mood Hi Kharab Kar Diya."
Pati Khushi Khushi Ghar Aya Aur Biwi Ko Awaj Dekar Bola.
Pati: “Arey Rahul Ki Maa Sunti Ho, Mujhe Seene Ke Safed Baal Dikhane Pe Bhudapa Pension Mili Hai”
Biwi: “Pant Ki Zip Khol Ke Dikha Dete To Viklaang Bhatta Bhi Mil Jaata“

Hawas Ke Pujari

Jaruri Nahi Ki Sirf Insaan Hi Sex Ke Deewane Ho, Jaanwar Bhi Sex Ko Pasand Karte Thai
Isi Tarha Jungle Mein Ek Din Gadhe Ko Tharak Chadi Hui Thi, Himmat Karke Vo Sherni Ke Pass Gaya Aur Usko Bola.
Gadha: “I Love You, Darling”
Sherni Ne Ye Suna Aur Guse Se Boli.
Sherni: “Chal Chal, Apni Shakal Dekhi Hai Tune, Nikal Idhar Se”
Gadha: “Abe Shakal Ko Maar Goli Niche Dekh”
Sherni: “Ohhh, I Love You Too Janu“

Divorced But Still Virgin

On The Wedding Night.
Wife: “Hey Be Gentle Please .. Its My First Time On Bed”
Husband Shocked: “What? But You Have Been Divorced Three Times”
Wife: “Yes”
My 1st Husband Was A “Philosopher” He Only Talked About It.
2nd Was “Gynecologist” He Just Kept Looking At It.
3rd Was “Engineer” He Needed A Year To Design A New Way To Do It.
And You Are A “Politician” So This Time I Know I Am Going To Be “Fu-Ked” Like The Whole Country.

A Man With His Tool In A Woman’s Mouth

A Great Thinker Once Said:
A Man With His Tool In A Woman’s Mouth ….
Can Be A Dentist.
Shame On Your Dirty Thinking.

Insulting SMS For Your Friend

Ek Ladka Ladki Ke Sath Sex Kar Raha Tha,
Ladki Achanak Zor Se Hansi,
Ladka: “Kya Hua Jaan?”
Ladki: “Jaanu Tumhara To Ek Hi Tatta Hai”
Ladka: “Nahi Jaan Dusra Abhi SMS Padh Raha Hai“

Girlfriend Ke Saath Kya Kar Raha Tha

Ladka Apni Girlfriend Ke Saath,
Kamre Ke Andhar,
Table Ke Upar,
Pankhe Ke Neeche,
De Tacatac… Tacatac…
De Tacatac… Tacatac…
Salo Tennis Khel Raha Tha, Jaruri Nahi Har Jagha Sex Hi Kare.

Apne To Apne Hote Hai

Jhuke Lund Ke Bhi Sapne Hote Hai,
Chut Milne Ke Bhi Nagme Hote Hai,
Agar Khada Na Ho Apka Kabhi Chodne Mein,
To Hamein Yaad Karna Kyun Ki Apne To Apne Hote Hai.

King Or Queen

A Newly Married Man Was Standing In Front Of A Mirror Naked.
And Was Admiring His Physique. “Two Inches More & I Will Be A King”
Suddenly The Wife Comes In And Says,“Two Inches Less & You Will Be A Queen“

Vakiye Hi Samp Bhi Mar Gaya Aur Lathi Bhi Na Tooti

Saanp Bhi Mar Jaye Aur Laathi Bhi Na Toote Isko Ek Shabd Mein Samjhao?
.
“MUTTH

Difference Between Foreigner And Indian After Whiskey

Whats The Difference Between Foreigner And Indian After Two Pegs Of Whiskey?
Foreigner Says: “Good Night Sweet Dreams”
Indian Says: “Bhai Ab Batao Kiski Maan Chodni Hai“

Aisa Q ?

Question Of The Year.
Jab Mohobbat Or Jung Mein Sab Jayaz Hai,
To Mohobbat Mein Hone Wale Chunnu Munnu Na-Jayaz Kyun?

Warning On A T-Shirt Of A Girl

Written On The T-Shirt Of A Girl:
“Statutory Warning: Objects Inside The T-Shirt Are Larger Than They Appear From Outside“

Beware Of Doctors

A Lady Died Of Aids Because Her Doctor Made A Mistake In Prescription.
He Wrote, Make Frequent Changes In ‘Males‘ Instead Of ‘Meals‘ Beware Of Doctors

Definition Of A Lesbian?

Question: “What Is The Definition Of A Lesbian?”
Answer: “Just Another Damn Woman Trying To Do A Man’s Job“

Yaad To Aayegi Hi

Suhag Raat Ko Pati Ne Patni Ki Taange Uthai, To Patni Rone Lagi
Pati: “Kya Hua?”
Patni: “Kuch Nahi Hamra Padosi Deepak Yaad Aagya, Uska Bhi Yehi Style Tha“





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